Tuesday, June 19, 2012


I have a very heavy heart tonight. My sweet baby Grayson is sick. Constantly throwing up. I am so grateful to be there for him and rock him to sleep. I'm grateful for the gift I have to be his mom right now. As I rock him and hold him like you would a baby, I'm reminded of that last day in the hospital with Austin. I held him like a baby too, he was so heavy and so cold. Weighed about the same as Gray does now. I'm just so thankful that I still have the opportunity to raise these three kids although I'm completely and utterly crushed that I couldn't use my mom healing powers with Austin and just rock him until he got better and could get up and play like all little boys should. It just breaks my heart. Feeling Grayson's warmth and hearing his breath is the most precious feeling and sound in the world. I will never take those things for granted. I will cherish those nights I'm up all night will my sick baby, it my newborn won't stop crying. My perspective has changed and all those stressful moment just melt into gratitude. I don't really know how to explain it, I just love my kids so much. All four of them.

Friday, June 08, 2012

Reading again.

I saw this and it inspired me to get back to my goal of reading the Book of Mormon and praying about it.

"And if we were to ask all of you how many have a testimony, not a belief because somebody else has said so, but how many of you have an assurance that this is God’s work, that Jesus is the Christ, that we are living eternal lives, that Joseph Smith was a prophet of the Living God, you would answer that you have this testimony that buoys you up and strengthens you and gives you satisfaction as you go forward in the world. …

...we are not dependent upon one or two or a half dozen individuals. There are thousands of members of this Church who know—it is not a question of imagination at all—they know that God lives and that Jesus is the Christ and that we are the children of God."

I want that assurance and not to live in someone else's testimony. I'm in Hel chapter 7. Not much to go!!