Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Now that Chris and I will be together in Georgia tomorrow, things are starting to become real. We are really doing all this. Leaving our home in Belgium, starting over in Georgia, having this new child in our lives…it’s crazy! How everything with him turns out is still a mystery… a really scary one. I don’t know how I’m going to handle the outcome and I really, really hope I’m ready for whatever it may be. We are going to be facing all these new challenges. Starting over is a very hard things to do. Money is also an issue we have to deal with. Just everything is adding up so fast. It’s all happening while my emotions aren’t at their most stable point. I’m just questioning if I’m really ready for all of this. Not that I can change any of it. I guess I’ll be ready, because I’ll have to be. Plus it’s nice to know that I don’t have to do this alone. This post probably makes no sense, but I’m just trying to get all my frustrations out. I just wish I were stronger… someone who could take all these balls thrown at me and just juggle… a part of me feels like all the balls are going to fall and I’m going to fail. I mean I’m about to have a husband and two kids counting on me. I need to be strong for them. I know people feel uncomfortable about me talking about Austin’s heart and everything… because it’s hard to know what to say or what to do, but it’s a big deal and sometimes I need to talk. I mean he’s moving in me right now… just getting comfortable. He’s right under my ribs pushing… moving… living! He doesn’t even know what’s he’s about to be handed. He’s so innocent to any reality. My baby boy! I mean I know there’s a good chance that he’ll survive. But what if… I don’t even want to go there. He’s going to be okay. He’s going to happy. I just don’t know why it had to be him. He’s so perfect… he did nothing. He’s my son. Someone told me that if he stays at the hospital overnight after I get released that I’ll probably have to go home at night. What if I go home one night and then he goes? What then? I can’t leave my baby! Not even for one night. I just want to hold him until he’s okay. He just has to be okay. The ultrasounds have to be wrong. This shouldn’t have happened to him. My precious little baby. I don’t know what he’s going to look like, but I do know his name. I don’t know his personality, but I do know what it feels like when he moves. I know that he deserves more. I just see Lily smile and it hurts me that I might not get to see that same smile from Austin. I should just be happy that I have one baby who’s healthy and happy… but Austin is now apart of me. He’s not just a baby now. Austin is now apart of us. I know Lily can even feel his presence in our lives. That’s why she’s so fascinated with my stomach. And now for that to just all go away can’t happen! I won’t let it! I want to guard him so badly from this heart problem. But I’m useless. It’s not in my hands. Okay I’m done… I can’t type anymore. He’ll be fine and that’s that.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

we broke up

All I’m saying is when I’m pregnant I need to STAY away from any book, movie, or TV series. Seriously my emotions are out of control! I’ve been watching Joan of Arcadia lately. There’s only like 2 more episodes to go and let me say… you should watch that show. There are only two seasons, but it’s really cute. Anyway whenever the characters fall in love, break up, go through a crisis, anything at all really- I go through it too! I swear I feel like I just went through a horrible break up! I want to kill this boy! I have that weird, hard feeling in my heart that I used to get when I’d go through one myself! I feel so uneasy and really just mad! He shouldn’t have hurt her! They were so good together and so happy! They understood each other! How could he hurt her like that! She was lowering her standards to be with him in the first place… seriously she was WAY too good for him! Anyway before I kill someone I’m going to go watch the last two shows.

Friday, October 17, 2008


My back is killing me
... where's that husband of mine when I need him!
Oh and I made my mom a facebook today so go find her!
Cindra Stringham Bush

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I'm diggin' some cookies

Pregnancy is going fine at 33 weeks. Everything seems to be getting ready for the big event. My back won’t pop anymore and it’s VERY uncomfortable. My chest is more sensitive now than it’s ever been. I feel like every part of my body has blown up this week… especially my face. I can’t handle big meals (no room), but I get hungry often. So I pretty much eat a bunch of small meals throughout the day.

oh and Lily dialed 911 for the first time today.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Our application got approved and so on October 31st we will officially be in our new home!! They approved all of our requests and we got them to both give us one month’s rent free and they went down on their rent price! We’re allowed to paint and make all the changes we want to make the place. I’m so excited to have this nice, big home for the next few years! I hope we make some great memories in it! I’m getting more and more excited for our new future, our growing family, and now our new home. I hope Lily and Austin enjoy the next few years in Atlanta!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

All I'm saying is

They could have found a better looking Edward...


Friday, October 10, 2008

Twilight and more

Also I finally got my application for the new home done and sent! I hope it all goes well! I feel caught up and very relieved! Now I can just sit back and relax until I hear back from the owner!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

home sweet home

I love being at my parent’s home. No matter where I go my parents house will always be the most comfortable place. I love being able to just relax without feeling uptight and in the way. I love being able to leave if I need to. I love being able to just open the fridge and eat whatever. Home just has a nice feeling.
Last night mom made me Hawaiian haystacks and brownies for my birthday! I was SO happy, because I had kind of thought that everyone forgot. We opened a few gifts and then we all went to bed, because we were all exhausted.
I definitely feel at peace here.
Also if you didn't notice on Nat's page, Lily has her ears pierced!
It's so cute on her!!!!

Monday, October 06, 2008

it's fall and things are changing

I went back to the place in Avondale the other day and got a whole new feeling about the place. I saw some of the neighbors, I saw the cars, I saw the yards… it really is a good little place to live. I think the problem I had with it the first time was mainly the kitchen needs help, and the walls need paint. Other than that it’s a cute little home. AND it’s in our budget! Chris said he would paint it for me. I’ve been looking at colors I like at pottery barn and modern baby. Man I wish I could have a whole pottery barn home! Anyway if we get this house we will have a whole basement and nothing to do with it, so I think we’re going to turn it into a playroom! I’m just so excited to finally have EXTRA space! I’m definitely feeling better about the situation.
Chris finally got his orders!!! He’s sending all our household goods tomorrow and our car on Thursday! So it will probably be here in a month or two. Chris will be flying out here on October 21st. I hope I already have the place by then! I’m really starting to feel better about everything now. I can’t wait to get Lily back into a place she can feel free and comfortable in. A place where she has a routine!!!! She has been acting more two than ever these past few days!
Pregnancy is good. I'm 32 weeks now. I got REALLY bad heartburn yesterday, but that has been the worst thing in awhile. Some Zantac took care of that quickly. I’m getting pretty big (in MY opinion). I think I look bigger today than I did yesterday. I’m supposed to be gaining about a pound a week. Overall this pregnancy has been a walk in the park compared to Lily’s. Also I can ALREADY tell that they are two very different people. Lily was SO active, ALWAYS kicking and acting crazy. Austin is a lot more relaxed… kicking is more of a treat now than the extreme amount Lily did (I‘m not going to lie I LOVED Lily‘s kicks). I don’t know if that has anything to do with his heart problem, but they are definitely two very different people. I just hope Lily doesn’t kill Austin with how much she’ll probably try to beat him up! I hope she does okay with him joining our family. I think she’ll love him.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

If you're wondering

The reason I'm looking close to a MARTA instead of the actual base is because the base is in the middle of College Park and i'm NOT living there. It's a BAD part of town. I've driven through it a couple times and it's not a place I'd let my family live. I looked at Douglasville and all those places, but they're all 30-45 min. away. If we're going to live that far away I might as well live where I feel safe. Besides the marta will end up saving us money in the end.

The only problem I have found with the townhome in Avendale (sp?) is it just doesn't feel safe. And the kitchen is crap. Natalie says that area is very safe, but I just get an uneasy feeling. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like I spend all day searching for a place and I never get anywhere. This base is seriously surrounded by the ghetto. I know we need the hospital, but man I feel like I'm putting my family in danger just living here!

I've gone to Ft. Mcpherson twice using the MARTA and it doesn't take long coming from Kensington. Infact I took the Marta and WALKED all the way to the clinic in under an hour. And that base is not small... it was quite a walk. So I figure if I live over here then Chris can take the MARTA and I can feel somewhat safe. I'm REALLY not having good luck house hunting though! I feel like the only thing we can afford is crap. It makes me feel very uneasy about this whole situation.