Tuesday, February 28, 2012


I don't want to go into detail, but I have a very, VERY intense spiritual experience last night. I hope I can understand it more as time goes on and as I pray. But it was very intense and very... confusing. Also I read a book called The Peacegiver that was a great book about the Atonement and it really make you think of it in ways you never thought of before. In fact everyone I know who has read it always tell me how much it changed their life. I could definitely see why and hope it has changed me as well. It's from an LDS author, but it's pretty much based off the bible so I recommend it to everyone!! Also I'm starting on the Book of Mosiah already! I feel like Heavenly Father is very close to me these days and I hope I become more sensitive to his presence as time goes on and my heart gets softer everyday. I have been so blessed in the last few months. God really is the answer to true happiness.

Monday, February 20, 2012


2nd Nephi... done!
Besides all the Isaiah, it was great!
I do plan to tackle Isaiah again in the future hopefully filled with the spirit to help make sense of it. :)

Thursday, February 16, 2012


It's Chris and my 5th Anniversary!
I'm 26 weeks exactly.
We find out about Claire's heart.
We're possibly putting in our 1st offer on a home!

It may get emotional.
Poor facebook doesn't know what's coming lol.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Lily sleeping

So glad today's over, I will not miss you. I can already tell tonight is going to be really hard. Lily is sleeping in her own bed for the first time since Austin passed away. I'm a mess. I know she needs her independence, but I just need to feel the warmth of her skin and the sound of her breathing during the nights. And to squeeze her and to FEEL that she's still here. Ugh I hate this, I feel so weak.


Everything Isaiah writes is pretty much just a bunch of history/future written in gibberish! And let's just say I'm not a history buff. I need to get through this! Let's just say I'm not getting much out of 2nd Nephi. :(

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Day 45

Happy Valentines Day. :)

Monday, February 13, 2012

Valentines Day.

Just another holiday without my husband and son, but I'm going to make the most of it this year. It is the holiday of love and I have been blessed with so many loves ones. It doesn't matter if they're not right here by me, my loved ones are always in my heart. Hoping to stay positive tomorrow... :)

Day 44

Mom and me made dinner.  I'm enjoying having my mom around to cook with again. :)

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Day 43

Lily doing her homework. Big improvement in a short time!
Sick from the shots watching Lily do her homework. :(


Today in church we learned about Testimony and that in order to have ours grow we need to Pray, read the Scriptures, and do.  And that we need to share our testimony.  And I decided to share my blog with them, I just told them that although I don't have a super strong Testimony yet, I've been sharing my experience via this blog.  I told them how amazing is it that people have contacted me that I didn't even know read my blog, telling me how either they're now inspired to find their testimony, or just how much they love reading about me finding mine.  As I was saying that, it's like the Spirit was in my body.  I can't explain it, I just felt so warm.  It felt so nice to just realize that this blog has become bigger than just me.  It has inspired others as well to find their way spiritually.  I just hope that even if you don't believe in the Book of Mormon, that you will at least try to find YOUR testimony in whatever faith you have.  This experience has and still is changing my life so much... for the better!  I feel so much more love and happiness than before.  Even though this blog is for me and my experiences, my path to gaining my own testimony, and my hardships, it's really nice that it has touched others as well.  Maybe we can all find our ways together. :)

Side note- Church today was wonderful. :)

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Day 42

Watching a movie with Grandpa.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Day 41

Went to a fun playdate and got to know some fun moms. 

Thursday, February 09, 2012

Day 40

We went to the park after gymnastics, but it was too cold.  I think we were there for 10 minutes. :)

Wednesday, February 08, 2012


1st Nephi read.

Day 39

Yeah today was this hot lol.  I wasted the whole day house searching.  I'm kind of behind on updating so THANK YOU FB for your reminders!

Tuesday, February 07, 2012


I just hate so much when i lose my temper with the kids.  Sometimes I get so mad that I yell at them and I hate thet.  And I HATE that that's sometimes the only thing that they listen to.  Today was a WAR with Lily.  She didn't want to wake up, took 2 hours to get ready, didn't listen in gymnastics and wouldn't stop looking to see what her friends were doing, she could not for the life of her get her capital"C" down, she refused to eat dinner. It was just none-stop whining all day... one thing after another.  The ONLY time she listened was when I yelled at her and I hate yelling at my kids.  I'd rather parent with love.  Today was just NOT a good day for anyone.

Side note-  Do you ever feel like after a day when you've spent all day with a bad temper, and a knot in your stomach that it's somehow wrong to read the Book of Mormon/Bible?  Not to read it, but to read it with the Spirit there?  I don't know, I just feel like how could I go from that and now expect such a clean, spiritual feeling to come into this house?  I mean I NEED to read tonight, but I know that with what i'm reading right now, I need the Spirit with me to comprehend some of this Isaiah stuff, and to keep me motivated and energized, because with this stuff... I can't do it alone lol. 

Day 38

Lily's 1st attempt to write our names. :)

Monday, February 06, 2012

Day 37

Today after my OBGYN apt, I took Lily and Gray to the park.  Gray wasn't very happy since I woke him up from his nap to go, but Lily had a blast!  I love sunny winter days!

My fav Scipture

"If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; ... for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them" (Ether 12:27)

The reason I love this scripture so much is because I can be weak.  I have "things" about my family that I have always thought was unavoidable... I would inherit them.  Well maybe not.  I don't have to just let things happen to me and my weaknesses aren't going to define me.  I'm a big believer in always improving and never just accepting that you will always be how you are.  No, I won't grow up being dependent on anti-depressants.  I don't need medication.  I inherited that trait by genes, but God can help, not only make it not be a weakness, but he'll turn it into a strength!  Same with my weight.  Weight problems run in my family, and I know it's going to catch up to me, BUT it doesn't have to.  Things aren't just inevitable, we make our path.  

Weaknesses I want to conquer:
Being genetically depressed.
No energy
Horrible shape
really tired
bad sleeping habits
mediocre parent and wife
not a good housekeeper
make excuses
Quick to judge and gets annoyed easily
Not very social and shy in new situations

So there are just a few on the list of things that God is going to help me "make strong".

I never understood why some people are so stable and put-together and others are not.  I mean people with unstable brains didn't choose that.  They lay in their bed wanting to die.  Or people who have health issues that seem to take over there life.  But in this scripture is says that God gives us these weaknesses to make us humble and to have the oppurtunity to turn to him so he can help us turn that weakness into a strength.  I think that is very, very cool.  I think "perfectly normal" people who don't have suffer or turn to God for anything never grow as people.  What they find to be important are so shallow and they just have no depth to them.  I would rather have all these trials so that I can have the oppurtunity to grow and reap all the blessings from each trial I face.  

Anyway I don't know many scriptures, but out of the ones I know this is definitely a favorite. :)


Today was a wonderful, wonderful day.  At church today I took the Sacrament for the first time since I was probably 14 and the Spirit was in that room with me.  During the song we sing beforehand, every word touched my soul and during the prayer, every word also touched my soul, and when I took the bread and water, I felt... better.  I don't know how else to explain it.  Everyone else in that room are in different places spiritually, but I felt like this week was for me.  It was wonderful.

Then tonight as I read the Scriptures and prayed I had my first experience where I KNEW what I was reading was true and that the Spirit is with me.  It was like a burning, peaceful feeling.  A really happy one where you just want to smile and tell everyone in the whole world that God is love.  He has waited so long for me to find my way and to repent and now that I have, I can enjoy FEELING his love.  It's the most amazing happiness there is and I never want it to go away.

I hope as I read on, this feeling will stay with me and will open doors to revelation of my own.  I also would love if everyone in the whole world could feel this so we could all rejoice together!  It's definitely a feeling I want to share with everyone.  The Book Of Mormon is true and so is the Bible.  No one can convince me otherwise anymore, because those books are both of God.  Can't wait to read on tomorrow.

I'm still smiling.

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Day 36

The kid's LOVE to run around in the gym after church.  Usually it's PACKED with kids!
Superbowl was today.  We went to a friend in the ward's party.  The pics turned out too dark.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Day 35

Went to the church to help my mom with the bulletin boards. 


Tomorrow will be the first time taking the Sacrament in YEARS, feels weird lol.  I just hope nobody asks me to give a talk or pray, I'm definitely not ready for anything like that!  I like my prayers to be personal.


So last night my friend from Colorado contacted me and asked me to get onto skype chat so she could ask me something (she said her phone had broke).  When I got on she told me her Aunt was head of the UCLA pregnancy Research Center and they needed some pregnant ladies to help with a study and she immediately thought of me.  So said I could make $3400 to do a few surveys and to make a few "what if" videos.  She told me her video wasn't working and that she wanted to see if I was showing enough and to skype her.  Since it was one of my friends I didn't even think about the fact that I was in my undershirt and panties.  After she SAW me she said that she needed me to make my first "what if" video to try out.  The first scenario was "what if you were 7-8 months pregnant, alone at home, and went into labor".  So pretty much I'd pretend like that happened and show it in a video, me pretending to give birth.  It was supposed to be realistic so I'd be pants-less and everything.  In this conversation we did some small talk, like she asked me how Lily was and about Chris in Afghanistan... just regular catching up stuff.  I told her I'd do it, I mean she said they blurred out the faces and it was just for the study purposes, plus $3400 is a lot of money.  Well the next day we talked and decided how we were going to do the video, later on I needed to tell her that we had to change the time, so I contacted her via FB.  My ACTUAL friend contacted me back asking what I was talking about.  Apparently we had NEVER talked the night before and she has no aunt at UCLA.  So I tried contacting whorever that person was, but the second I asked them who they really were they ended the contact.  So now there's someone out there that I almost made a video for, knows things about me, saw me in my undies, and I have  NO idea who they are!  I feel so dumb and violated!!

The funny part is, the whole time we were talking, I had a bad feeling about it.  Even though it was just for a study, I was just... unsure.  I asked my mom and Chris their opinion and they both seemed to think that it was okay to do, because it was for something like that, but I just couldn't shake that uneasy feeling.  I should listen to that feeling next time!

Friday, February 03, 2012

Day 34

Today I started my 24th week, yay for 6 months!!

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Day 33

Today the kid's had fevers so we spent the day in bed watching movies.  Lily somehow forgot how to walk.  She's very dramatic sometimes lol.  

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Day 32

Today Lily and Grayson went to the doctor.  They were wonderful!  They both got shots, and check-ups.  Lily also got some 5-year-old things done like got her eyes and ears checked which are great! :) 

Afterwards we went and picked up Wendy's and went to the park.  It was a beautiful day!


So here are my goals until May:
Read the BOM by doing the 100 day challenge. (should be done right before May!)
Attend Sacrament meeting and stay until after relief society every week... ATTEND classes!
Visiting Teaching.
Pay tithing.

I had a meeting with the bishopric, and these are informal goals that will help my testimony and then by May I will be officially temple WORTHY (not actually going)!

My life is working out so well!
I've been working on my life as a wife, parent, and as a person and I think thing are starting to go my way!  Goals and "lists" are my new favorite thing.  I feel like I'm more "put together" than I ever have been.  I'm completely drug free (like antidepressants) and surprisingly, I've never been more stable and in control of my feelings.  I'm just on the road to find myself and become who I want to be.  I'm even considering letting my natural hair grow out.  It's time to get back to my roots!  Literally!