Gratitude

I have a very heavy heart tonight. My sweet baby Grayson is sick. Constantly throwing up. I am so grateful to be there for him and rock him to sleep. I'm grateful for the gift I have to be his mom right now. As I rock him and hold him like you would a baby, I'm reminded of that last day in the hospital with Austin. I held him like a baby too, he was so heavy and so cold. Weighed about the same as Gray does now. I'm just so thankful that I still have the opportunity to raise these three kids although I'm completely and utterly crushed that I couldn't use my mom healing powers with Austin and just rock him until he got better and could get up and play like all little boys should. It just breaks my heart. Feeling Grayson's warmth and hearing his breath is the most precious feeling and sound in the world. I will never take those things for granted. I will cherish those nights I'm up all night will my sick baby, it my newborn won't stop crying. My perspective has changed and all those stressful moment just melt into gratitude. I don't really know how to explain it, I just love my kids so much. All four of them.