It's been a rough night. Breakdown after breakdown. I know there's a plan, but I just can't understand a plan where Austin doesn't get to grow up with his sister and brother. Lily and his were bestfriends and he was such an amazing brother to Grayson. And you know, Lily will get over him and Grayson will only hear of him. It breaks my heart into tiny little pieces everytime I think about his absence in our lives. You don't understand, I would give ANYTHING to get him back, to have my family back together. People talk about the plan of salvation and blah blah blah, but they have. n't lost the dearest part of their entire lives. He was my life. He is my life. I want him home. And I want him home healthy. I would give anything... my job, my friends... ESPECIALLY my friends. I cannot believe I spent so much time trying to have friends. All that precious, precious time wasted away. My priorities were so messed up. I would give anything to get that time back