The so called "father"?

Yesterday was the first real meeting with the LDS social Services people. We watched a video that really made me cry. Throughout the whole night… even while looking at the people who want to adopt, I never got a good feeling about that option. I have never got a good feeling about adoption since the very beginning. That kind of sucks because Chris is all for it. I mean he told me he would support me in any decision I make… but that is where he stands. How can he be so sure of what he wants? I can’t even consider either choice yet as a final choice. This is the hardest choice I probably will ever make, and it seems like it’s a piece of cake for Chris. Maybe it’s because he’s not as emotionally involved with everything. Maybe it’s because he gets all of his advice from his family that only cares about Chris’s future… yeah Chris’s kid can go to hell in their opinion. I know it will be hard. I mean that’s obvious. However it’s Chris’s kid! His flesh and blood. My flesh and blood. Chris is so stuck up his own butt to see this. I mean I know he can support a baby if he had to. I KNOW he can! I mean he might not be able to afford a brand new car or a dirt bike too… but he can afford a baby. He chooses not to… because it’s not convenient for him. Well it sure as heck was convenient to have sex with me! Pay up buddy! You make decisions in life and you have to live with the consequences… not just give your “problem” to someone else! Gosh dang he bothers me. I mean I haven’t written out adoption, but it’s definitely not my first choice. If there is any way I can possibly give this child a good life on my own I would so fast. I HATE my job, but if it paid better and they let me work 24/7… I would to support my child. However what I really want is for this child to be happy. I also want to be a stay at home mom. I know that’s not possible at this time. However, hopefully one day that will be a possibility. Life is so confusing!!!By the way…I’m now 9 weeks along!