just another thought.

How the heck could I let someone so heartless and horrible get me pregnant? I was such a dang fool! He wants to be this bachelor and live like one. He doesn’t want anything out of our relationship. He calls my friend, Katie, more than he calls me! I have to call him to get anything out of him. How did I do this to myself… or to him… or to this baby? I try so hard and I feel like nothing I do or say will make him want to be with me anymore. He is the only guy in the whole world that can make me happy right now. So why does he make me so unhappy? Why do I live my life thinking of ways to surprise him, or to make myself look better for him? All I do is try to impress that boy… and he doesn’t care at all. He too busy hanging with the boys wishing he were 27. I don’t know what this stage is that he’s going through, but it is definitely the wrong time to be going through it! You know what… despite things I say or do… I really do love that boy. I try so hard not to, but I really, really do. He doesn’t give me the time of day. He invited Katie to his little thing this weekend before me. How am I supposed to take that…with a smile? Well right now I have to. I can’t say or do anything wrong, because I know that he will just make me the dirt on his shoulders. You know… the mother of his baby! Man not only do I feel so completely lonely right now I don’t even have him to fall back on. You have no idea how very much that kid means to me! He is my everything and more. I mean, in reality, I am giving this baby up more for him than anyone else. I know that is what he wants and needs so I will respect that and do it for him and… of course… the baby.