Saturday, December 29, 2012

My year of miracles.

At the beginning of 2012 life was rough.  I had just gotten off all my anti-depressant medications that I have been on since I was around 14 and they've only gotten stronger over the years.  I was sleeping in until noon and staying up way past midnight.  When I was up I was pretty much a zombie.  I was neglecting my kids.  I wanted to quit photography and I hadn't picked up my camera in months, basically I was a mess. 

  It was around this time that I decided something had to change.  I needed God in my life and not just part-time.  I decided it was time to find out which church I should go to.  In my youth I attended many Catholic, Baptist, and Non-Denomination churches as well as the LDS church.  In the LDS church they have a promise in the Book of Mormon that if you read it with an open heart and then pray to know if that is the True Church, you will know through revelation.  I'm not going to lie, I already believed but I was a little skeptical.  I WANTED to believe.  Going to all the other churches in my youth was good, but they never felt true.  Yeah I felt the spirit when they were teaching a good lesson, but not in the same way as I do with the LDS church.  Anyway I read and read, got lazy at times, but I got through it.  I finished the day before my 24th birthday (September 21st 2012).  Then I prayed.  And it was a beautiful night.  I felt the spirit so strongly and had the confirmation I needed.  You can find out more about how our church got restored at :) <<< see that Missionary work?? lol

As I was reading I found my new favorite Scripture in Ether 12.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
The first thing I thought to myself was, "THIS IS IT!  This is the answer I've been looking for!"  I just couldn't change my lifestyle, my horrible schedule, my bad habits, my lack of motivation, being a not-so-great mother and wife and so on.  I was weak.  And I couldn't do it myself.  And this was my low.  So I prayed and told God all my frustrations, reminded him of this Scripture, told him I need help, and told him everything I needed help with.  Then I can't tell you exactly what happened, but I knew he'd help me. 

It was slow and I hardly noticed, but look at me now.  I've become the mother and wife I've always wanted to be, I'm organized, my house is clean most of the time, my schedule is planned out, I'm MOTIVATED (which is something I thought I'd never be), I go to bed and wake up and good times.  It's amazing and I KNOW it was God who helped me get to this point.  And I KNOW he'll continuously help me if I humbly come to him. 

Another way he has helped me is through photography.  I suffer from anxiety.  I have a mini panic attack before every photoshoot and it has been very hard to keep going and overcome it.  So before every session I started praying to ease my anxiety, to take pictures that my clients will be happy with, and to help me get through it.  And after I pray I always take a deep breath and get on with the session.  At first it was still hard, and it's STILL hard, but I feel like it gets a little easier as I keep going.  And after I pray I always feel a little at ease.  I know it's God's comfort.  I know it's such a little thing, but it's a big thing to me.  My anxiety has held me back for years and I'm so glad that I'm slowly getting a handle on it.

Other miracles this year are more spiritual, sacred ones that I don't feel comfortable sharing.  But God certainly knows me.  He knows my trials, my life, and my family.  He knows the big picture and I'm so grateful for all the tender mercies I've received in my personal life. 

This has truly been a year of miracles for me.

Next year in 2013 I plan to serve more, share his gospel more, be an instrument, etc.  He's done so so so much for me and I'm so grateful!  God is good!


Coloradomomof4 said...

This really was a year of Miracles for you Amy! I understand a lot of the feelings you have had this year and know how rough it is. It is absolutely amazing for you to be where you are now! Congratulations :-) keep strong, keep believing, & never give up!!

Rebecca said...

Been praying for you this year and so happy to see you happy in your life!!