Wednesday, April 17, 2013


I really struggle with things.  I like them.  I want them.  And I want the best!  Clothes, house decor, crafts, house, cars, food, livelihood, just everything!  I want it all!  I seriously have 15+ cardigans in my closet, who needs that many cardigans??  I don't know, every time I read the Book of Mormon or listen to talks and they talk about how happiness is found in things unseen and that riches don't bring joy it always gets me thinking.  I heard a talk tonight about how these people in Africa who are newly baptized have absolutely nothing, but they have so so much more than probably most of us.  If that makes sense?  And then I see all the LDS (Mormon) actors/actresses make it big and then leave the church and go crazy.  I really think that things, although they do bring short-term joy, won't make you happy.

Here's an example, when I was younger I sought out pretty things.  Pretty friends, cute boyfriends, nice clothes, I always had my hair done... you get the point.  And I was happy.  But was I??  I always, always, always felt insecure, I felt like my friends were talking about me behind my back, my clothes were never as cute as my friends, and they always had cuter guys.  Nothing was enough.

Now when I look for friends, I look for genuinely good people.  People who look on the bright side of things, people who strive to be better, people who are confident in who they are.  Some people are pretty looking and some are beautiful.  I'd rather hangout with someone who is truly beautiful on the inside (outside in optional).

Now that I'm here in my life, I NEED to spend less time on the things of this world, and spend more time on me and where my heart is.  A new outfit is fun and I'm all about occasional shopping trips, but that won't make me happy.  The Gospel will make me happy.  Living a life of goodness.  Keeping judgmental thoughts out of my mind of seeing the good in people.  Those things will make me truly happy.  I need to stop comparing myself to my super creative, amazing sisters/friends and just be me.  Because you know what?  I like me.  I haven't really, truly been able to say that for years, but I do.  I need some work, but I am happier than I have ever been.  I have a family that I love so much, especially my sweet husband.  Just look at what the Gospel has done for us.  We are so happy and cherish every moment together and with our kids.

Anyway I guess my next goal is to stop focusing on my undecorated/empty mantle, my old furniture, and my dated clothing and start focusing on what will really bring me joy; family and the gospel.

This is going to be a hard one for me!!

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